found poems

i've been thinking and seeing a lot of found poems recently- found poems being already written or published words altered- usually by marking the majority out- to create a new meaning.

brendan reposted all his found poems from last year on his wall, and with that idea fresh in my mind, i made one of my handouts into one during an especially boring photo ethics class today. the poem itself didn't say much, but it opened another room in this corridor, and started me thinking more.

there are photos that are much like this- nathan lyon's photos in his book notations of passing are much like this- he uses words on storefronts, bits of trash, and signs, and without moving them, composes them so that they say something completely new and different.

and so i say, if we can do this with pictures, can't we and don't we do this with memories? we cross out much of what we have thought and said and done in life and hold on to enough to read as a life- good or bad or inbetween. we write this poem to fit why we do what we do now- much of which will be crossed out anyways.

what does my life read like?

September 12- Iron and Wine
September 13- The horse flies
September 20- Ithaca

Things are looking very good for the month of September

Dritzak

For the few that do not understand the goodness that is dritzak, here is a thorough and pithy guide by the venerable Jon Steffens, who most likely wrote this guide to avoid working on his thesis.

It is extremely difficult for me as a photographer to see where I need to be in terms of experience in a year and not want to be there right now. There is still some part of me that does not understand that this year's worth of stumbling will be needed.

For my whole life, I have always been the first to do everything- it is what comes with being a first born. And because of that, most of my life has been lived in the front seat- not knowing what comes next, but taking it as it comes. Now, however, I am seeing people experience photographic changes in their lives that just don't fit mine. I'm the youngest child right now, watching my path be outlined for me.

With this role, comes patience, but also comes opportunity. My parents, both youngest in their respective families, have commented to me multiple times that being the youngest often means much watching and learning from the backseat, as their brothers and sisters plowed the trail ahead. This allowed them to learn just as much, but find new ways to see the path their brothers and sisters previously traveled.

This was WRITTEN yesterday and PHOTOGRAPHED today

When my eyes survey the tree line
I'll recall a voice
And how I took great care with words

All that was
A picture was
A poem was a poem
Words were trees of brown of gold
You were a place I had come to know

If the dark falls early
Would you come in the night
Would you come with the morning
Come by fire or come by storm

When my days turn to gold
Turn to gold
And pull to the sky
To the sky
I'll recall the time
I was more alive
When I lose myself to words
Did I die in your arms
Or did I die alone?

When the dark fell on me
Did you come in the night
Did you come with the morning
Come by fire or come by storm

-------Exactly how I feel these days-----------
if you want to hear the song, click HERE

I've been able to practice my photography lately- not photograph for anyone or anything- not setting out with the goal of making even one good photograph. Just looking through a viewfinder and seeing the relationship between shape, color, expression, and gestures is teaching me better than most photography classes that I have taken in the past year. But it makes sense. If you don't practice piano, and instead stumble through many many recitals, it will take much longer to be a good musician, than if you sit at home and go over small parts, technicalities, those little things that sound terrible as you practice them over and over, but are elements that fit together well in the end. The past few weeks have been very good practice for me, and I have fallen in love with photography again- making it my own, and weaving my feeling into it. I still have a long way to go, but I'm going somewhere

"If Moses had a car- he could take you to the airport and lead you into the promised land!"

-Jillie

a few years ago, I could pick up a camera, photograph, and come up with something that I felt represented who I was and what I was thinking at that time.

there are so many times that I want to go back to that- to be able to express my emotions so easily and precisely.

But I look forward to the photographs that I have now, and though not every time I shoot I am able to tie it to myself, the times that this does happen are far more powerful and relevant than those taken a few years back.

Growing up I guess?

The way I feel about life is really complicated now, trying to untangle facts from ideas, feelings from emotions, friends from those around me.

Same with my photographs. I think that when a photograph works, when I see it come together, it writes a truth, something of the way I am, something of the way the world was, and is a combining of fact and feeling.

A month and a half ago, I wrote a page of questions in my journal- some that won't be answered, and others that are beginning to be matched to answers. The first question I asked was "What is a moment?" At the time the statement was written, I was sick of the trite definitions of this word in regards to photography, and my answer to that question was "who even really cares?" But now I am defining what a moment is in my own photography- gestures, moods, etc, that correlates me, my past, and my present subject.
I'm excited to see where I will go.

A good word for this week is: frustration.

Frustrated mostly with myself with not being good enough, fun enough, quiet enough, loud enough, productive enough, together enough.

And maybe with other people too. But everytime I want to get angry at people, I realize people put up with me all the time, so I should do the same.

Beginnings of summers always seem to be like this.

Summersong

Summer always weaves itself a new colored jacket, year upon year, despite the fact that the trees and sun inhabit the same places as summers past. What changes is myself and the way I percieve that sun, and trees, and wind on the back of my neck.

Every year, summer becomes more and more of a time to make money and pay bills, and less and less of a time to lay on the trampoline all day and eat freezepops and go to summercamp. It's more of a time to practise what I am learning in school. As I told a friend at the beginning of last summer: summer is work time, school is vacation.

But it is my hope, that this summer I will be able to love the life that I live, despite the fact that I am working three jobs, and have many freelance jobs. Moses and I have a list full of epic plans for the summer (such as walking a whole week without shoes, eating meals made with only food from the public market, finding an ice cream truck to buy ice cream from, etc), I just booked a plane ticket to Maryland, and I have plans to visit someone in the Adirondacks. So I'll keep you updated, and we'll just see what color summer decides to wear.

A few weeks ago, I was pretty sick, and while taking a nap, I had the strangest, most beautiful fever dream.

And it made me realize, I hadn't really been daydreaming for about a year now... something that I never realized I had missed until I started again.


ht: Matt

Second Retrospective

Laundry almost done
She sits on the floor
Sorting socks
spread all around her.
She pairs one to another
like the questions that she slowly
removes from the pile she has created
answers are not simple, not found on the floor
like the yellow sock she swiftly folds into its match.
But they are still found.
One, on the roof of a yellow house,
held in the arms of someone else.
Another, hung up in the monotony of repetition
in honor of perfection.
Forgotten is found,
marked with wear of winter, and dripping in sunlight
in the corner of an abandoned parking lot
The sorting almost completed,
she puts away the memories,
and places the unmatched socks in a basket,
waiting to be found until the next load of laundry.

I think a word that describes my life at the moment is "almost"

I'm also more than slightly amused because I just stumbled upon my blog post from a year ago, after I wrote my previous entry:

http://lady-of-the-reigns.xanga.com/655286790/random-facts/

It's been a while

In the past month

Times Sick: Once- fever and chills.
Trips Taken: Three- Erie, Saratoga, Maryland
Miles put on car: 2000
Laundry Done: 4 times
Movies Watched: 6
Subway Mondays: 3
Bike Rides: not enough
Skateboarding Spills: 1
Fancy Dinners: 2
Bonfires:2
Holidays: 2
Photo Projects: 8
Hours spent happy: 95%
Hours spent not happy: 5%
Dead animals photographed: 9
People Photographed: 9
People I've worried about: 3
Ice Cream (per serving)- 12
Classes Skipped: 5
Times Pulled Over: 0 (!!!!!)

James 1:27

How I need to live.
How overwhelming the way of the world is!
Sometimes I can only sit back and be there for people while they are making poor choices, and then it hurts me to see those come back and hurt them.

God, give me eyes that can see your plan in the midst of this world.

April Smells

sockless feet
gasoline
fresh grass
mud
dead fish
frog legs
fish mixed with cotton blossom
asiago cheese
decaying birds
day-old sweat
two-minute gum
meatball sub
oranges
and always the smell of fixer.

As you may or may not know, I am obsessed with dates. Give me a day within the past year or two and I can most likely tell you what I did that day. One year ago right now I was at Val's for sunday night dinner, after having gone to a farm to photograph for a photography assignment. But some weeks I remember better than others, either because I wrote it on my blog, or it was just special. So last year, spring quarter week one was like that. Here is the entry from exactly a year ago:



"the abscence of worry. also known as week one.
This week one was probably the best of my three quarters here, for a first week... Things went smoothly, lots of hang out time with many different splended people. Here are some good things that happened

*I got into my metals class that was too full of people (and I was a sign-in). This is most likely because at the time of the sign in I had (well, I still do have) pink eye, and it made my eyes look like I had been crying, so my professor found sympathy with me, and signed me into the class. It looks like it will be a fun class as well... we are going to be casting and soldering, and shaping, making boxes, and bookmarks (yes, out of metal), and rings.
*Lunches... I had lovely lunches with Sarah and Rachel (and Kirsten too, on tuesday, and emily included on thursday), thursday included a card game session during and after. Friday, I had a spontaneous meal with Matt and Arricka and two of her friends, and we also played cards. I think that I shall be able to do more lunches next week, since my schedule now is set in stone....
*This friday four of us freshman girls met for dinner right before IV- Emily, Kirsten, Elyse, and myself... and really it was a lovely time, as we all relate to each other well. Sometimes in IV I feel young and immature after hanging out with all the upperclassmen, as they already know a ton of people, and all that good stuff, and as much as I love to hang out with them, it is refreshing to be able to bond with a new group of people on the same level as I am. I hope we will keep doing this weekly, especially as it encourages Kirsten and Elyse to come more to IV, as they have expressed feeling like they don't really know too many people.
* Kyle brought his Mini back from Philly, and as he doesn't know anything about how to get around Rochester, I showed him how to get around downtown, and the best coffee and shooting places.. on thursday night, but we got lost anyways and ended up at the Pittsford Wegmans, and we bought tea and a chocolate orange, and olives and cheese.
*I went to the Northern Short course with Emily, her boyfriend Mike, and Emily's dad. We listened to some good presentations by photojournalists that are very well known for their work, around the world. We also took a break to go shoot the Saint Patrick's day parade, and listened to LOTS of bagpipe music. After the NSC, we went to Dinosaur BBQ, my first time there (v. good), and then attended the disappointing hockey game, where we lost.
*Other good things, such as Heroes with Val, A good talk and walk with Elyse, Juicy Mate Tea with Eric, eating chocolate orange with Harry, and shooting alot with my digital camera, which I began to miss alot last quarter.

And the rest of my classes don't seem too bad... we shall see.........."

Spring Quarter 2009- Week 1:

I made four cakes this week: Yellow Cake with chocolate frosting for 189, Funfetti with strawberry frosting for 80-4 Colony, purple cake with yellow and orange striped frosting for 80-4 Colony, and a blue and green cake with white frosting and an aqua scooter for Porter.

I learned how to ride a Honda Spree! I rode it all over the parking lot.

Lots of lunches and dinners with Porter, Kirsten, other IV kids, and other Photo Kids

Photographed the parade on Saturday

My two(!) drives to Dansville, one to look at the stars, the other to look for pictures

My awesome schedule: all photo classes

Hockey game: not only did RIT win, but there was a delicious amount of fighting.

Subway Monday and subway boy (jkjk)

Riding my bike through the city

Soooo much more.

retrospective to 2009 so far

Retrospective 1
The snow is piling up.
My bicycle is covered-
With it-
The light- orange colored.
Stolen from another season

My coat is plastered with it-
This mix of snow and light and bicycle histories
It holds me together.
Walking through the color
And taking the hand of memories birthed an hour ago.

They give me no foreshadowing
Too selfish with the future, they repeat the past
And endless cycle of play and rewind.
Two pairs of green eyes, looking for truth in another’s lie.

So I turn away from the snow
Walk backwards into the wind
Whatever steps I take now, I’ll live a thousand times later
As stories pile up around my ankles.




Futurespective 1

I stand in a red room with a red paintbrush.
How will I change the world?

1) find a different color room
2) find a different color paintbrush
3) forget the paintbrush
4) forget the room
5) live my life and call it art.

On Destination Nowhere

If you are a reader of my photoblog (anappleadayphoto.blogspot.com), you may have noticed my daily (for three days now) series entitled "Destination: Nowhere". The series is not for a class and for nothing but my own want to get out and photograph.

The idea for the project came on Sunday- when I spontaneously went for a drive, and happened to have my camera and tripod with me (a rare happening, as I usually forget my camera and never use a tripod). A drive that started as an exploration session on route 15, turned into a two hour drive, past a lake I had never seen, a restaurant I want to further explore, and to a gamelands parking spot, where I decided to turn around. Upon pulling into the gamelands, I really felt the need to go photograph, photograph myself, and photograph what I found. After fifteen minutes of shooting, I drove home, feeling that for once, my drive to nowhere was productive.

So this got me thinking: why not purposely go on drives for the rest of the week, driving for as long or as short as I wished, to an unknown location. I'm trying to go at different points of the day each day, to challenge myself with different kinds of light. Sometimes friends come along, sometimes I'm alone. But I'm looking forward to see where the rest of the week will take me, and if I decide to stretch the project farther.

So here I am,at the same place I was last year. A place where I have come after months of patience and longing.

I get the opportunity to ride my bike again.

I remember exactly 364 days ago that I rode my bike to 189, participated in one of the first Ice Cream O'Clocks ever, and bikeroad in the tunnels with Eric, Brendan, and Jake. It was two in the morning, and having eaten a Sundae made by Matthew Marsh (with more chocolate syrup than ice cream), I was now experiencing my first ever (yes) sugar high. The chains on my bike were rusted and didn't stop reminding me of that fact, but I was out of my room, not trudging through the snow, but rather on one of my first ever adventures at RIT.

364 days later, I keep my adventures into neatly categorized piles, own two bikes, and have one goal that I have recently set out to complete: to find all of my friends bikes as nice as the one I bought last week (my gorgeous schwinn sprint- 27 inches of delicious blue roadbike). Last night Kirsten, Moses, and I drove to snatch three bikes up- had a little trouble getting there, but once we were at the old farmhouse, populated by a man, his memories, and 30-some bikes, proceeded to buy three jet-black road bikes (one for kirsten, moses, and brendan).

Many things have changed in my life- I'm a much tougher person, have learned to trust in the Lord much more, and have seen much in the past year. But I'm still the girl who wakes up on a warm morning with sunlight wrapped around her shoulders, excited that this will be the rare day that she can bike (and sing) to class.

I bought a whole bunch of sunflowers today.

It is funny how they put me in such a good mood.

I've got to stop relying on other people to make me happy.

Thoughts in my head as I drove today.

Where am I going? Am I pleasing you Lord? I feel close to you, but far apart from some who have been so close at times. I want to make everyone happy, want to spend time with everyone. How come there are not enough hours in the day to do all of this, work, friends, relaxation? God, I mean everything in the most selfless way possible. I am also really afraid about this summer, how I am going to make money and all. I'm so young, but you know everything. Please be my peace, and help me to do what is right.

I am broken, but he is whole.

stream of consciousness- transportation related

I've been wanting to get travel in more interesting ways recently
I have to take advantage of this cold weather
I think there is about two inches of snow on the sidewalk
That means I can ski to class
I've always wanted to do that
but where would I put the skis once I got to class
oh well
ill figure it out
I skateboarded in the blizzard last night
Things are always more fun when they are done in a blizzard
once I played tag on horseback in a blizzard
that was fun
but not cleaning up horse poop in a blizzard
I hope things are cancelled today
then Elijah and I could go skiing downtown
I think that would be epic
more epic than biking downtown in a blizzard
because its easier to slip and fall in a blizzard on a bike
and maybe get run over by a car
but my new bike can't be ridden anyways, because its previous owner was too heavy
and sat on it
and squished the back wheel
so thats why I got it for so cheap
but its pretty
and much bigger than the last bike i tried to get from craigslist
my little sister has that one now
but i am done with work now
and should get to class
but being that i do not have any awesome device- ski, bike, or skateboard, ill take my feet.

writing to avoid painting

I have a lot on my mind, but little to write a lot about- ideas lay scattered about in my head, as I sit here in my spotless room, my painting spread out on the floor in the living room and a Matt Marsh at the dining room table, removed from the chaos at 189 in order to finish his essay.
I feel like I've finally reached a point in my life, where I feel confident enough in myself that I don't need to change for people to like me. This, in a way, has made me stronger in my faith, which is, I believe, a juvenile way to grow in my faith, but it is a step nonetheless- it is a way of growing up.

Music: Jose Gonzalez, Ratatat, American Analog Set, Big Blood, Iron and Wine (of course), and the Beatles.

Phrase of the week: We'll see
(last week's- It happens)

bit of fresh air.

Email searches are fun
the number of emails that matched these word searches:
43- bacon
32- longboarding
90- ice cream
320- God
90- sick
190- haha
8- kite
80- horse
817- photo
80- dead
110- tried
130- snow

It's also fun to go back and read old emails to friends- almost like a journal.

Great Quotes from this week:

Visual Anthro Class (during an hour discussion on the political incorrect-ness of the Aunt Jemima Pancake Label

Teacher: "People see the need for a motherly, or matron figure to represent a food. Tony the Tiger cannot cook pancakes"

--- later ---
"The political correctness of the deliciousness of the pancakes" -Student

In the Car:

Me: So if you had to choose between the older era My Little Ponies or the new ones, which one would you choose to date?
Carter: The newer ones of course- They're thinner, curvier, and sexier.

----------------

Its so encouraging to see how God is working in the lives of my friends- how they are excited to serve him. It teaches me a lot.