I've been able to practice my photography lately- not photograph for anyone or anything- not setting out with the goal of making even one good photograph. Just looking through a viewfinder and seeing the relationship between shape, color, expression, and gestures is teaching me better than most photography classes that I have taken in the past year. But it makes sense. If you don't practice piano, and instead stumble through many many recitals, it will take much longer to be a good musician, than if you sit at home and go over small parts, technicalities, those little things that sound terrible as you practice them over and over, but are elements that fit together well in the end. The past few weeks have been very good practice for me, and I have fallen in love with photography again- making it my own, and weaving my feeling into it. I still have a long way to go, but I'm going somewhere

"If Moses had a car- he could take you to the airport and lead you into the promised land!"

-Jillie

a few years ago, I could pick up a camera, photograph, and come up with something that I felt represented who I was and what I was thinking at that time.

there are so many times that I want to go back to that- to be able to express my emotions so easily and precisely.

But I look forward to the photographs that I have now, and though not every time I shoot I am able to tie it to myself, the times that this does happen are far more powerful and relevant than those taken a few years back.

Growing up I guess?

The way I feel about life is really complicated now, trying to untangle facts from ideas, feelings from emotions, friends from those around me.

Same with my photographs. I think that when a photograph works, when I see it come together, it writes a truth, something of the way I am, something of the way the world was, and is a combining of fact and feeling.

A month and a half ago, I wrote a page of questions in my journal- some that won't be answered, and others that are beginning to be matched to answers. The first question I asked was "What is a moment?" At the time the statement was written, I was sick of the trite definitions of this word in regards to photography, and my answer to that question was "who even really cares?" But now I am defining what a moment is in my own photography- gestures, moods, etc, that correlates me, my past, and my present subject.
I'm excited to see where I will go.

A good word for this week is: frustration.

Frustrated mostly with myself with not being good enough, fun enough, quiet enough, loud enough, productive enough, together enough.

And maybe with other people too. But everytime I want to get angry at people, I realize people put up with me all the time, so I should do the same.

Beginnings of summers always seem to be like this.