Clean

One of my favorite things is to walk into a clean room.

Surprised?

Though my room at school and my room at home both are a mess most of the time (my room is worse than ever right now- packing does that), I do love a clean room, yet I seldom see my own in that condition- the only time it's clean is when I'm gone at school. Nothing gets done at home then, so there's no mess. and I guess the same goes with my life.

I worked at a high school this summer- teaching for the first half, and then doing graphic design stuff the second half. What I noticed about the school is that it was absolutely pristine- floors shiny and spotless, walls devoid of posters, even the air was clean and unpolluted by noise. Yet the day the students return, the school is a mess again, studdents cramming the halls and the classrooms filled with noise. I think most people would prefer the clean school, but without the commotion and noise, there would be no learning, and the school would be an empty waste.

Last year, in the first few months of school, I found myself in a whole new enviornment, social system, and with a whole new attitude. And I was a mess- stumbling more than I could take a strong step forward. I called my mother and relayed this to her- I wanted to change and live gracefully- not flat on my face half the time. She said "If you want to grow, it's going to be messy, never graceful. If you do all you can to grow gracefully and flawlessly, you will never change or grow"

Funny how in my ceramics class in high school, the most productive days were the ones that I made an absolute mess of the four tables I was given to work on. But what did people look at when all was said and done- the mess I had made, or the piece of art that was the result?

People Watching.

I'm a photojournalist, so I guess it gives me an excuse to watch people, to see how they are taking what they are given in life and using it.

I like the line from the Cloud Cult song- "You're as big as you're gonna get, but you're still growing."

It's fun to watch people in different stages of life. By this I don't mean age, but rather, states of mind and thought- some that I have been through and others that I haven't and may never experience. It makes me think and learn about my own life. In a way, it's quite nice to sit down and talk with someone who is going through the same things I have, but oftentimes, someone will tell me the way they feel that is completely different than what I have ever gone through. And its nice. It forces me to listen and learn rather than to talk.

That's why i like to people watch- something that comes most easily with family and friends

Take my youngest sister Caroline, for example. She is 13, always making plans, calling people, organizing her schedule and her backpack for school, and hardly ever gets stressed- smiling nearly all of the time. 30 year old business woman meets 10 year old. That's her 13.

And then my Dad, who, when I woke up yesterday morning, was talking to the septic sucking people for over an hour- never looks at outward appearances.

And then there's my friend Jody, who merges both of above qualities- always smiling, organized, on top of things, who is never afraid to reach out to people.

I guess life is just a big group project- there will always be those who you will gain experience from working with, others who are complete slackers, and still others who you will get to teach.

and then sometimes its fun to watch people just to find bad fashion.

speak.

In a way, this new blog is the continuation of my xanga blog (xanga.com/lady_of_the_reigns)- as I don't plan to use that blog anymore- mainly for the reason that I already have a photoblog with blogger (anappleadayphoto.blogspot.com) and would like to keep all my blogs in one place.

But really, I want to change the way I write here compared to my xanga posts. I want to go deeper, say more, ramble less, speak my mind.

I had a discussion in May with a very good friend and I told him that I very seldom speak my mind. I think at that moment I thought that the meaning of speaking one's mind is to say whatever is in my head at the moment- which is a very dangerous thing much of the time.

It took the good part of this summer to realize what in fact speaking my mind really is- to shut up most of the time and to say what needs to be said.

I guess this blog will be an exploration of that.