A Blog for Words

2011-02-14T21:44:00.000-08:00

i learned a couple of new things this week

first, some lessons about friendship, and giving, taking, and limitations

and the fact that having something that you truly believe in and make your own is a terrifying and beautiful thing to fight for.

2011-01-26T10:28:00.001-08:00

Halfway home in the hilltop trees
and all our footprints in the snow
and the evening glow
leaving
Low night noise in the wintertime
I wake beside you on the floor
counting your
breathing
’cause I can’t see nothing in this half moon
lay me down if i should lose you

Halfway-working on a wornout house
and all our friends the ragged crows
and aching bones
whining
Where are we when the twilight comes?
the dark of valley and the breeze
and the frozen leaves
chiming
’cause I can’t see nothing in this half moon
lay me down if i should lose you…

From Iron & Wine's new album, Kiss Each Other Clean, comes this song, Half Moon.
Why do their songs always describe my life so well?

2010-08-01T14:55:00.001-07:00

Click to enlarge

2010-06-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

which is better, having your book burned or your newspaper photographs wrapped around dead fish and stuffed into packing boxes?

is it better to be ridiculed or forgotten?

2010-06-10T20:37:00.001-07:00

you know what I like? walking at night with flashlights with enough people that you don't really need to be using a flashlight, but it's fun anyways and you can shine the flashlights in people's eyes.

that's what I like.

found poems

2009-09-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking and seeing a lot of found poems recently- found poems being already written or published words altered- usually by marking the majority out- to create a new meaning.

brendan reposted all his found poems from last year on his wall, and with that idea fresh in my mind, i made one of my handouts into one during an especially boring photo ethics class today. the poem itself didn't say much, but it opened another room in this corridor, and started me thinking more.

there are photos that are much like this- nathan lyon's photos in his book notations of passing are much like this- he uses words on storefronts, bits of trash, and signs, and without moving them, composes them so that they say something completely new and different.

and so i say, if we can do this with pictures, can't we and don't we do this with memories? we cross out much of what we have thought and said and done in life and hold on to enough to read as a life- good or bad or inbetween. we write this poem to fit why we do what we do now- much of which will be crossed out anyways.

what does my life read like?

2009-08-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

September 12- Iron and Wine
September 13- The horse flies
September 20- Ithaca

Things are looking very good for the month of September

2009-08-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

Dritzak

For the few that do not understand the goodness that is dritzak, here is a thorough and pithy guide by the venerable Jon Steffens, who most likely wrote this guide to avoid working on his thesis.

2009-08-03T08:36:00.001-07:00

It is extremely difficult for me as a photographer to see where I need to be in terms of experience in a year and not want to be there right now. There is still some part of me that does not understand that this year's worth of stumbling will be needed.

For my whole life, I have always been the first to do everything- it is what comes with being a first born. And because of that, most of my life has been lived in the front seat- not knowing what comes next, but taking it as it comes. Now, however, I am seeing people experience photographic changes in their lives that just don't fit mine. I'm the youngest child right now, watching my path be outlined for me.

With this role, comes patience, but also comes opportunity. My parents, both youngest in their respective families, have commented to me multiple times that being the youngest often means much watching and learning from the backseat, as their brothers and sisters plowed the trail ahead. This allowed them to learn just as much, but find new ways to see the path their brothers and sisters previously traveled.

2009-07-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

This was WRITTEN yesterday and PHOTOGRAPHED today

2009-07-08T09:41:00.001-07:00

2009-07-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

When my eyes survey the tree line
I'll recall a voice
And how I took great care with words

All that was
A picture was
A poem was a poem
Words were trees of brown of gold
You were a place I had come to know

If the dark falls early
Would you come in the night
Would you come with the morning
Come by fire or come by storm

When my days turn to gold
Turn to gold
And pull to the sky
To the sky
I'll recall the time
I was more alive
When I lose myself to words
Did I die in your arms
Or did I die alone?

When the dark fell on me
Did you come in the night
Did you come with the morning
Come by fire or come by storm

-------Exactly how I feel these days-----------
if you want to hear the song, click HERE

2009-06-24T08:22:00.001-07:00

2009-06-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

2009-06-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

I've been able to practice my photography lately- not photograph for anyone or anything- not setting out with the goal of making even one good photograph. Just looking through a viewfinder and seeing the relationship between shape, color, expression, and gestures is teaching me better than most photography classes that I have taken in the past year. But it makes sense. If you don't practice piano, and instead stumble through many many recitals, it will take much longer to be a good musician, than if you sit at home and go over small parts, technicalities, those little things that sound terrible as you practice them over and over, but are elements that fit together well in the end. The past few weeks have been very good practice for me, and I have fallen in love with photography again- making it my own, and weaving my feeling into it. I still have a long way to go, but I'm going somewhere

2009-06-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

"If Moses had a car- he could take you to the airport and lead you into the promised land!"

-Jillie

2009-06-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

a few years ago, I could pick up a camera, photograph, and come up with something that I felt represented who I was and what I was thinking at that time.

there are so many times that I want to go back to that- to be able to express my emotions so easily and precisely.

But I look forward to the photographs that I have now, and though not every time I shoot I am able to tie it to myself, the times that this does happen are far more powerful and relevant than those taken a few years back.

Growing up I guess?

The way I feel about life is really complicated now, trying to untangle facts from ideas, feelings from emotions, friends from those around me.

Same with my photographs. I think that when a photograph works, when I see it come together, it writes a truth, something of the way I am, something of the way the world was, and is a combining of fact and feeling.

A month and a half ago, I wrote a page of questions in my journal- some that won't be answered, and others that are beginning to be matched to answers. The first question I asked was "What is a moment?" At the time the statement was written, I was sick of the trite definitions of this word in regards to photography, and my answer to that question was "who even really cares?" But now I am defining what a moment is in my own photography- gestures, moods, etc, that correlates me, my past, and my present subject.
I'm excited to see where I will go.

2009-06-02T09:50:00.001-07:00

A good word for this week is: frustration.

Frustrated mostly with myself with not being good enough, fun enough, quiet enough, loud enough, productive enough, together enough.

And maybe with other people too. But everytime I want to get angry at people, I realize people put up with me all the time, so I should do the same.

Beginnings of summers always seem to be like this.

Summersong

2009-05-29T14:02:00.001-07:00

Summer always weaves itself a new colored jacket, year upon year, despite the fact that the trees and sun inhabit the same places as summers past. What changes is myself and the way I percieve that sun, and trees, and wind on the back of my neck.

Every year, summer becomes more and more of a time to make money and pay bills, and less and less of a time to lay on the trampoline all day and eat freezepops and go to summercamp. It's more of a time to practise what I am learning in school. As I told a friend at the beginning of last summer: summer is work time, school is vacation.

But it is my hope, that this summer I will be able to love the life that I live, despite the fact that I am working three jobs, and have many freelance jobs. Moses and I have a list full of epic plans for the summer (such as walking a whole week without shoes, eating meals made with only food from the public market, finding an ice cream truck to buy ice cream from, etc), I just booked a plane ticket to Maryland, and I have plans to visit someone in the Adirondacks. So I'll keep you updated, and we'll just see what color summer decides to wear.

2009-05-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was pretty sick, and while taking a nap, I had the strangest, most beautiful fever dream.

And it made me realize, I hadn't really been daydreaming for about a year now... something that I never realized I had missed until I started again.

ht: Matt

Second Retrospective

2009-05-08T12:38:00.000-07:00

Laundry almost done
She sits on the floor
Sorting socks
spread all around her.
She pairs one to another
like the questions that she slowly
removes from the pile she has created
answers are not simple, not found on the floor
like the yellow sock she swiftly folds into its match.
But they are still found.
One, on the roof of a yellow house,
held in the arms of someone else.
Another, hung up in the monotony of repetition
in honor of perfection.
Forgotten is found,
marked with wear of winter, and dripping in sunlight
in the corner of an abandoned parking lot
The sorting almost completed,
she puts away the memories,
and places the unmatched socks in a basket,
waiting to be found until the next load of laundry.

2009-05-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

I think a word that describes my life at the moment is "almost"

2009-05-04T06:43:00.000-07:00

I'm also more than slightly amused because I just stumbled upon my blog post from a year ago, after I wrote my previous entry:

http://lady-of-the-reigns.xanga.com/655286790/random-facts/

It's been a while

2009-05-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

In the past month

Times Sick: Once- fever and chills.
Trips Taken: Three- Erie, Saratoga, Maryland
Miles put on car: 2000
Laundry Done: 4 times
Movies Watched: 6
Subway Mondays: 3
Bike Rides: not enough
Skateboarding Spills: 1
Fancy Dinners: 2
Bonfires:2
Holidays: 2
Photo Projects: 8
Hours spent happy: 95%
Hours spent not happy: 5%
Dead animals photographed: 9
People Photographed: 9
People I've worried about: 3
Ice Cream (per serving)- 12
Classes Skipped: 5
Times Pulled Over: 0 (!!!!!)

2009-04-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

James 1:27

How I need to live.
How overwhelming the way of the world is!
Sometimes I can only sit back and be there for people while they are making poor choices, and then it hurts me to see those come back and hurt them.

God, give me eyes that can see your plan in the midst of this world.

April Smells

2009-04-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

sockless feet
gasoline
fresh grass
mud
dead fish
frog legs
fish mixed with cotton blossom
asiago cheese
decaying birds
day-old sweat
two-minute gum
meatball sub
oranges
and always the smell of fixer.

2009-03-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not know, I am obsessed with dates. Give me a day within the past year or two and I can most likely tell you what I did that day. One year ago right now I was at Val's for sunday night dinner, after having gone to a farm to photograph for a photography assignment. But some weeks I remember better than others, either because I wrote it on my blog, or it was just special. So last year, spring quarter week one was like that. Here is the entry from exactly a year ago:

"the abscence of worry. also known as week one.
This week one was probably the best of my three quarters here, for a first week... Things went smoothly, lots of hang out time with many different splended people. Here are some good things that happened

*I got into my metals class that was too full of people (and I was a sign-in). This is most likely because at the time of the sign in I had (well, I still do have) pink eye, and it made my eyes look like I had been crying, so my professor found sympathy with me, and signed me into the class. It looks like it will be a fun class as well... we are going to be casting and soldering, and shaping, making boxes, and bookmarks (yes, out of metal), and rings.
*Lunches... I had lovely lunches with Sarah and Rachel (and Kirsten too, on tuesday, and emily included on thursday), thursday included a card game session during and after. Friday, I had a spontaneous meal with Matt and Arricka and two of her friends, and we also played cards. I think that I shall be able to do more lunches next week, since my schedule now is set in stone....
*This friday four of us freshman girls met for dinner right before IV- Emily, Kirsten, Elyse, and myself... and really it was a lovely time, as we all relate to each other well. Sometimes in IV I feel young and immature after hanging out with all the upperclassmen, as they already know a ton of people, and all that good stuff, and as much as I love to hang out with them, it is refreshing to be able to bond with a new group of people on the same level as I am. I hope we will keep doing this weekly, especially as it encourages Kirsten and Elyse to come more to IV, as they have expressed feeling like they don't really know too many people.
* Kyle brought his Mini back from Philly, and as he doesn't know anything about how to get around Rochester, I showed him how to get around downtown, and the best coffee and shooting places.. on thursday night, but we got lost anyways and ended up at the Pittsford Wegmans, and we bought tea and a chocolate orange, and olives and cheese.
*I went to the Northern Short course with Emily, her boyfriend Mike, and Emily's dad. We listened to some good presentations by photojournalists that are very well known for their work, around the world. We also took a break to go shoot the Saint Patrick's day parade, and listened to LOTS of bagpipe music. After the NSC, we went to Dinosaur BBQ, my first time there (v. good), and then attended the disappointing hockey game, where we lost.
*Other good things, such as Heroes with Val, A good talk and walk with Elyse, Juicy Mate Tea with Eric, eating chocolate orange with Harry, and shooting alot with my digital camera, which I began to miss alot last quarter.

And the rest of my classes don't seem too bad... we shall see.........."

Spring Quarter 2009- Week 1:

I made four cakes this week: Yellow Cake with chocolate frosting for 189, Funfetti with strawberry frosting for 80-4 Colony, purple cake with yellow and orange striped frosting for 80-4 Colony, and a blue and green cake with white frosting and an aqua scooter for Porter.

I learned how to ride a Honda Spree! I rode it all over the parking lot.

Lots of lunches and dinners with Porter, Kirsten, other IV kids, and other Photo Kids

Photographed the parade on Saturday

My two(!) drives to Dansville, one to look at the stars, the other to look for pictures

My awesome schedule: all photo classes

Hockey game: not only did RIT win, but there was a delicious amount of fighting.

Subway Monday and subway boy (jkjk)

Riding my bike through the city

Soooo much more.

retrospective to 2009 so far

2009-03-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

Retrospective 1
The snow is piling up.
My bicycle is covered-
With it-
The light- orange colored.
Stolen from another season

My coat is plastered with it-
This mix of snow and light and bicycle histories
It holds me together.
Walking through the color
And taking the hand of memories birthed an hour ago.

They give me no foreshadowing
Too selfish with the future, they repeat the past
And endless cycle of play and rewind.
Two pairs of green eyes, looking for truth in another’s lie.

So I turn away from the snow
Walk backwards into the wind
Whatever steps I take now, I’ll live a thousand times later
As stories pile up around my ankles.

Futurespective 1

I stand in a red room with a red paintbrush.
How will I change the world?

1) find a different color room
2) find a different color paintbrush
3) forget the paintbrush
4) forget the room
5) live my life and call it art.

On Destination Nowhere

2009-02-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

If you are a reader of my photoblog (anappleadayphoto.blogspot.com), you may have noticed my daily (for three days now) series entitled "Destination: Nowhere". The series is not for a class and for nothing but my own want to get out and photograph.

The idea for the project came on Sunday- when I spontaneously went for a drive, and happened to have my camera and tripod with me (a rare happening, as I usually forget my camera and never use a tripod). A drive that started as an exploration session on route 15, turned into a two hour drive, past a lake I had never seen, a restaurant I want to further explore, and to a gamelands parking spot, where I decided to turn around. Upon pulling into the gamelands, I really felt the need to go photograph, photograph myself, and photograph what I found. After fifteen minutes of shooting, I drove home, feeling that for once, my drive to nowhere was productive.

So this got me thinking: why not purposely go on drives for the rest of the week, driving for as long or as short as I wished, to an unknown location. I'm trying to go at different points of the day each day, to challenge myself with different kinds of light. Sometimes friends come along, sometimes I'm alone. But I'm looking forward to see where the rest of the week will take me, and if I decide to stretch the project farther.

2009-02-11T06:18:00.000-08:00

So here I am,at the same place I was last year. A place where I have come after months of patience and longing.

I get the opportunity to ride my bike again.

I remember exactly 364 days ago that I rode my bike to 189, participated in one of the first Ice Cream O'Clocks ever, and bikeroad in the tunnels with Eric, Brendan, and Jake. It was two in the morning, and having eaten a Sundae made by Matthew Marsh (with more chocolate syrup than ice cream), I was now experiencing my first ever (yes) sugar high. The chains on my bike were rusted and didn't stop reminding me of that fact, but I was out of my room, not trudging through the snow, but rather on one of my first ever adventures at RIT.

364 days later, I keep my adventures into neatly categorized piles, own two bikes, and have one goal that I have recently set out to complete: to find all of my friends bikes as nice as the one I bought last week (my gorgeous schwinn sprint- 27 inches of delicious blue roadbike). Last night Kirsten, Moses, and I drove to snatch three bikes up- had a little trouble getting there, but once we were at the old farmhouse, populated by a man, his memories, and 30-some bikes, proceeded to buy three jet-black road bikes (one for kirsten, moses, and brendan).

Many things have changed in my life- I'm a much tougher person, have learned to trust in the Lord much more, and have seen much in the past year. But I'm still the girl who wakes up on a warm morning with sunlight wrapped around her shoulders, excited that this will be the rare day that she can bike (and sing) to class.

2009-02-02T17:59:00.001-08:00

I bought a whole bunch of sunflowers today.

It is funny how they put me in such a good mood.

I've got to stop relying on other people to make me happy.

2009-01-28T21:55:00.000-08:00

Thoughts in my head as I drove today.

Where am I going? Am I pleasing you Lord? I feel close to you, but far apart from some who have been so close at times. I want to make everyone happy, want to spend time with everyone. How come there are not enough hours in the day to do all of this, work, friends, relaxation? God, I mean everything in the most selfless way possible. I am also really afraid about this summer, how I am going to make money and all. I'm so young, but you know everything. Please be my peace, and help me to do what is right.

I am broken, but he is whole.

stream of consciousness- transportation related

2009-01-28T08:50:00.001-08:00

I've been wanting to get travel in more interesting ways recently
I have to take advantage of this cold weather
I think there is about two inches of snow on the sidewalk
That means I can ski to class
I've always wanted to do that
but where would I put the skis once I got to class
oh well
ill figure it out
I skateboarded in the blizzard last night
Things are always more fun when they are done in a blizzard
once I played tag on horseback in a blizzard
that was fun
but not cleaning up horse poop in a blizzard
I hope things are cancelled today
then Elijah and I could go skiing downtown
I think that would be epic
more epic than biking downtown in a blizzard
because its easier to slip and fall in a blizzard on a bike
and maybe get run over by a car
but my new bike can't be ridden anyways, because its previous owner was too heavy
and sat on it
and squished the back wheel
so thats why I got it for so cheap
but its pretty
and much bigger than the last bike i tried to get from craigslist
my little sister has that one now
but i am done with work now
and should get to class
but being that i do not have any awesome device- ski, bike, or skateboard, ill take my feet.

writing to avoid painting

2009-01-19T20:31:00.000-08:00

I have a lot on my mind, but little to write a lot about- ideas lay scattered about in my head, as I sit here in my spotless room, my painting spread out on the floor in the living room and a Matt Marsh at the dining room table, removed from the chaos at 189 in order to finish his essay.
I feel like I've finally reached a point in my life, where I feel confident enough in myself that I don't need to change for people to like me. This, in a way, has made me stronger in my faith, which is, I believe, a juvenile way to grow in my faith, but it is a step nonetheless- it is a way of growing up.

Music: Jose Gonzalez, Ratatat, American Analog Set, Big Blood, Iron and Wine (of course), and the Beatles.

Phrase of the week: We'll see
(last week's- It happens)

bit of fresh air.

2009-01-07T08:08:00.001-08:00

Email searches are fun
the number of emails that matched these word searches:
43- bacon
32- longboarding
90- ice cream
320- God
90- sick
190- haha
8- kite
80- horse
817- photo
80- dead
110- tried
130- snow

It's also fun to go back and read old emails to friends- almost like a journal.

Great Quotes from this week:

Visual Anthro Class (during an hour discussion on the political incorrect-ness of the Aunt Jemima Pancake Label

Teacher: "People see the need for a motherly, or matron figure to represent a food. Tony the Tiger cannot cook pancakes"

--- later ---
"The political correctness of the deliciousness of the pancakes" -Student

In the Car:

Me: So if you had to choose between the older era My Little Ponies or the new ones, which one would you choose to date?
Carter: The newer ones of course- They're thinner, curvier, and sexier.

----------------

Its so encouraging to see how God is working in the lives of my friends- how they are excited to serve him. It teaches me a lot.

photos

2008-12-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

new photos. yes. after three? months

anappleadayphoto.blogspot.com

Hey Remember that time?

2008-12-27T15:29:00.001-08:00

We skateboarded on Bailey road almost every night because it was newly paved?

Matt gave me a high five and there was a worm in his hand?

Matt brought over "fresh baked goods" and it really was a bowl full of live worms?

All those times we sat in the tree in Genesee Valley Park?

We found a secret path by an abandoned school that led to the banks of the Genesee?

Kirsten and I skateboarded all afternoon around campus carrying a boom box blasting the beatles?

Derek came to visit?

When we all went to Ithaca?

I came home to emily cooking, wearing a cow-print apron, and listening to the gray album?

When santa visited the darkrooms freshman year?

When I took the girls to Watkin's Glen and we got lost multiple times?

It all comes back everytime I come to Roc. That's why it grows on me every day. I'm planting memories into a beautiful rose garden.

music

2008-12-26T11:51:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write about music for a long time. I think between color and music, color is more important to me (I'd rather be deaf than blind), yet music still is a group of threads in the tapestry of my existence, and it would be a rather threadbare existance without music.

my house has always supported a disjointed caccophany of music- the mostly mellow music of mine in the room right up the stairs, the contemporary christian music in the room on the left, the classical music in the room on the right, the elevator music downstairs, whoever's music in the kitchen, michael card in the back room, the punk/ pop music in the bedroom in the back, and the mostly flawed tunes coming from the out-of-tune piano in the dining room. No one in my family can play an instrument especially well, but we all can sing surprisingly well- and that adds to the music filling our house.

It wasn't until I was around thirteen or fourteen when I realized that I associate color with music- each song has a color, or colors, that I associate with. Not synethstesia per se, but something close. The Bruch Concerto is a velvet red, Iron and Wine's Upward Over the Mountain is a pale blue, Eliott Smith's Angel in the Snow a Paleish Green. And I'm not the only one to do this kind of seeing/ listening. James McNeil Whistler (the one who painted Whistler's mother), painted a series of portraits and landscapes with the titles merging musical terms and colors. Genius. I'm going to the Frick in NYC on the 9th to see some of his work.

Words more could be written about music, as any other subject. Yet I am off to Rochester now. I'll be back on Sunday. goodbye.

christmas

2008-12-22T18:07:00.000-08:00

not "holiday".
fourth of july is a holiday.
so is valentines day
or mothers day.

christmas sparkles with its own colors. no. not red and green. not entirely.

christmas is the blue of the snowstorm mixed with twilight that i ski in as I cut the silence with the steady swish swish of my skis as I head home, the orange of the solitary streetlight on our country road making the strangest shadows.

it is the yellow-white of the lights of our christmas tree, as seen from the outside of my house.

it is the black and white, red and green and blue of the city mixed with everpresent snow as I drive home from a dinner with friends, listening to music written hundreds of years ago.

it is the purple of the sprinkles poured on the gingerbread man to make the most awesome purple suitcoat and pants on a gingerbread man that i have ever seen.

it is the white light that floods my eyes, before they have time to adjust, when I wake up to an eleven-o-clock snowday

it is the orange of the city lights as i stand on top of the scaffolding of manhattan square park, looking over a quiet city, with many, but alone with my thoughts, and with my God.

music: Iron and Wine's Faded from the Winter
Sufjan Steven's Holland

topics

2008-12-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

snow: There is a very wide-spread wives tale that because Rochester is North of Erie, is receives roughly double the amount that Erie gets. Contrary to this belief, it is the opposite. Erie has had four blizzards since november- two, while I was at home (three feet total), while Rochester has received four inches of snow in all. This, of course, makes snow a precious commodity up here. Because of this fact, on Thursday, when Jason, Brendan, Kirsten, Moses and Myself saw the snow falling from inside downtown Java's, we walked straight to Manhattan square park and began to play- sliding on the ice skating pond, making snow angels in the middle of the street, climbing to the top of the scaffolding in the park and watching the snow fall quietly over a dormant city. We moved then, to a parking garage, and watched the snow more, sliding on the ice at the top of the garage. It was simple, quiet, and magical.
Friday night, we took advantage of the snow again, this time, derin, kirsten, joi, michael, tyler, and myself all staying over at tyler's house in Marion, and tobagganing on this extremely large hill that we discovered. It was terrifying, hurdling down a hill, along with three others, shouting instructions, trying not to slide over the cliff, the snow from the front of the sled kicking back and covering our faces. But in the same moment it was thrilling. We tried another, steeper hill, covered in bushes, and that was even more terrifying, the logs, prickers and bushes that peppered the hill threatening to break limbs or scratch or faces.

The best thing about snow is how everything is silent when it falls- a beautiful, silvery sound. I think it's some kind of phenomena actually.

the black market: is a very real thing. but i'm too lazy to write about that. will write later, i suppose.

christmas in rochester: also a good future topic.

I've fallen in love

2008-12-09T14:22:00.000-08:00

with the sound of snow in the evening
truth and honesty
the way light changes a person's face
the snow falling from my window in the evening
my roomates all being at my apartment all the time
the way God holds me in the palm of his hand
sliding on the ice skating rink at Manhattan Square Park
Laura Gibson, the singer/songwriter
christmas
Sujifan Stevens, singer/songwriter
Kirsten's and my midnight adventures
Wednesday girl's club with val after class.

God is so good. He is always here. I never have to feel alone.

november poem

2008-12-06T22:35:00.001-08:00

i forgot that i liked writing poetry.

we sing no longer
ice over my favorite tree
too dangerous to climb
and I'm left here
with faded coat and boots
looking up
to where i cannot climb alone
to where
you sit
like we used to in summer song,
but there are leaves no longer
i've taken them all.
your flaws cannot be hidden any longer
for i
am fall

11-21

2008-12-01T13:12:00.000-08:00

everytime i come back from break (or go home, for that matter), i feel like i have become a completely different person.

or is it the people around me that have changed?

i'm terrified for what will happen next summer.
i'm terrified for what will happen tomorrow.

only God can help me here.
but im still trying to figure out how.

2008-11-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

First,

look up Loch Lomond- they opened for the decemberists when i saw them in Ithaca on Sunday. Brilliant. Better than the decemberists, in my opinion.

Next,

update.

-After a terrible terrible week last week I have a week of doing absolutely nothing.
Its awesome. I haven't done this for years- solid days of tree climbing, driving excursions, cleaning house and my room, reading, watching movies with people, hanging with the photo kids, etc.

-ANNND I am going to see Iron and Wine this week in Buffalo. Should be fun.

2008-11-07T04:21:00.001-08:00

Who left you so?

Striking a match for the keyhole
Dark as the evening laid
When he left you all alone

Turning to fade through the sawgrass
Tall as the only love
That you'll ever really know

Who left you so?

Grace is a gift for the fallen, dear
You're an angry blade and you're brave
But you're all alone

Turning a shade of an angel born
In a bramble ditch when the doors
Of heaven closed

I love Iron and Wine.

2008-11-03T21:58:00.000-08:00

Psalm 62: How I feel
Psalm 63: How I want to live.

lost.

2008-10-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

there are a lot of times in my driving experiences that I come across an interesting predicament. i get lost, but then i enjoy getting lost, but getting lost makes me late for wherever i need to be. so i ask myself. should i stop the car, get out, and ask for directions. or should i enjoy wandering aimlessly, eventually getting to the place, but annoying other people and missing out in the process?

this is where i am right now in my life. and my main question is. what am i gonna do with the gray areas in my life? what does God want me to do?

i hope he gives me answers soon.

favourite things

2008-10-19T14:02:00.001-07:00

*my bikes
*mustard yellow
*beirut
*hot apple cider
*paneras
*colored trees
*sidewalk chalk
*naps
*good photo shoots
*being content
*God's forgiveness
*being guilt-free
*skateboarding
*horses that neigh

life.

2008-10-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

Racing
Kirsten and I have lots of competitions between ourselves, such as, who is more of a man, who is more daring, who is a faster skateboarder, etc. The most common of these competitions is running. We have a race about once a week. When I win it is usually because I end up cutting her off or cheating in some other way. But on friday night, we raced down a dirt road in the dark, which is a bad idea, and I was actually in the lead, when I tripped, fell on my head, and may have suffered a minor concussion (ie, i could not focus my vision and could not think quite well). Anyways, maybe it was divine providence that allowed kirsten to continue her winning streak.

goats
goats have made their way into our conversation more frequently lately as seen in the lines below:

(said in a thick indian accent) "we have a blue goat outside waiting for you.. his name... (looks to the stove)... is... uh.. butter flavor" -eric

eric: if you could have a goat do anything, what would it do?
me: fly of course!
kirsten: tap dance!

Pizza

if you tell a boy to go out into the street and eat pizza that has been run over by twenty cars, he will do it. just ask matt, jon, or brendan.

baby

i may or may not have this awesome child sized road bike named baby. it is sortof difficult to ride, but makes for good adventures.

Balance

2008-10-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

it's been a while.
and this is due to the massive amounts of work that i have recently. last friday was a near nightmare with a large project being turned in within minutes of the deadline, this week has included many near-sleepless nights due to a presentation being due, and on top of that i am still working on work for myself: at least two multimedia presentations will be shot this month, just for my own practice and portfolio.
I've been struggling a lot with balancing everything out. It always seems that when i have fun, it all comes at once, a carefree existence for a day or a few hours- and then work day after day with no sunlight. I've been working on mixing the two, and I think it is slowly beginning to work. I always make sure that when I am photographing for an assignment, that it stays fun, so I won't ever start to dislike my art. Harder to do then it sounds, but I've been having some really fun shoots recently.

Last Saturday, Kirsten, Michael, Moses, and myself went to Syracuse to the state fairgrounds to do some shooting. Not only was the light beautiful when we were shooting (six o clock light), but we had so much fun exploring and shooting.

And then yesterday Kirsten ended our shooting expedition yesterday with a half an hour in our favorite tree.

I've been stressed alot recently, but have found when this is the case, I end up having so much fun when fun actually happens.

nowhere.

2008-09-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

ive had this blog for about a month more than jill, but she already has three times as many posts as i do.

in quite a short time (about a week), I've figured out a lot about a lot- priorities, relationships, friends, time management myself, how to make an omelet, etc. It's been an up and down week, but I've come out realizing what I have yet to learn and what I have learned. I'm still trying to figure out where I am with God, but i know that will come as long as I am seeking him.

I've been given a lot of grace this week, from God and from my friends, and in return, I have done the same.

I have no clue what I will do or where I will go next in my life, but I am happy to see what will happen.

nine days later

2008-09-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

another entry.
more adventures.
even more homework to finish.
new people met.
the same tree climbed again (this time with a picnic)
2nd favorite pair of jeans torn.
bike crashed, broken, then fixed (with stolen parts from another bike. not my doing.)
another thousand pictures taken.
first reporter magazine assignment.
wednesday adventure and a chocolate malt.
yellow paint (consequently, my temporary favorite color), on the back bumper of my car.
red paint (my favorite color), now on some nice yellow fire hydrant in pennfield.
henna-d hands and feet (flowers on my hands and a tree with a tire swing on my foot)
favorite spot on campus visited twice- with new folks to enjoy it.
spinning in the rain at midnight.
yerba mate every day, as always. not missed one yet.
painting parties every sunday.
american analog set- 6.99 cd at the record store downtown.
the color blue-gray.
constant talk of living in maine.
girl talking.
living.

2008-09-12T05:22:00.001-07:00

Wednesday, September 10 was a small but significant turning point in my life.

Fall.

2008-09-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's not the 21st of September. But it's fall alright.
I know.
I went to Ithaca on Saturday with some friends, just to see what kind of adventures we would find there. We saw lots of hippies, hiked up waterfalls, swam under the waterfalls, listened to music, went to a skatepark, and laughed alot. That was summer. But the strangest thing happened when we were swimming in one of the pools in the river- it was about 6:30, getting dark, and all of the sudden there were many yellow leaves blowing all about, scattered in the dark blue pool. It smelled like fall, and it felt like fall too.
And this morning, biking to 2D design class, the trees in the quad were yellow and red.

Things happen so quickly. I get caught up in one routine, and suddenly it gets whisked away. Boarding and biking will soon be a memory. So I enjoy it as I can, board as much as I get a chance to- not complain when it is hot and sticky, and wrap this sunlight around my shoulders to keep me warm when winter comes around.

And so many things have just been so lovely recently. Skating, my apartment, a kitchen, the boys filling up my car gas tank for me, cookies, ice cream party, Val, favorite tree, Yerbe Mate tea every single day at 189, nick drake, m. ward, mason jennings, cloud cult, matt pond pa.

God is good.

Anna Rose is a poet.

2008-09-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

who likes to merge reality and fiction. Here is an excerpt of a poem of hers that she wrote based on conversations we had this summer.

I.

I snapped a picture of you at twenty,
sitting in your car.
Your hair was red.

I figured you were in love,
because your hair was red.

Is there any other way to show that
you’re 20 and in love
than by dying your hair red?

You disagreed at 20.

bright green
is the color you see in love,
you said, looking into the rear view mirror.

But I always thought that green is the color
of youth and fertility,
I told you then.

Are you young and fertile?,
I asked, expecting a laugh.

Don’t be so analytical
was all you had to say.

II.

You laughed when I showed you
the picture of your twenty year old self.
I asked you why.

You thought I was asking why your hair had been red.

I dyed it red because I liked Bartok.
I wanted to hear Bartok when I looked in the mirror,
you said with a toothy smile.

You pushed your brown hair behind your ear
as you looked down at the picture.
You laughed at your old red hair.

Clean

2008-08-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things is to walk into a clean room.

Surprised?

Though my room at school and my room at home both are a mess most of the time (my room is worse than ever right now- packing does that), I do love a clean room, yet I seldom see my own in that condition- the only time it's clean is when I'm gone at school. Nothing gets done at home then, so there's no mess. and I guess the same goes with my life.

I worked at a high school this summer- teaching for the first half, and then doing graphic design stuff the second half. What I noticed about the school is that it was absolutely pristine- floors shiny and spotless, walls devoid of posters, even the air was clean and unpolluted by noise. Yet the day the students return, the school is a mess again, studdents cramming the halls and the classrooms filled with noise. I think most people would prefer the clean school, but without the commotion and noise, there would be no learning, and the school would be an empty waste.

Last year, in the first few months of school, I found myself in a whole new enviornment, social system, and with a whole new attitude. And I was a mess- stumbling more than I could take a strong step forward. I called my mother and relayed this to her- I wanted to change and live gracefully- not flat on my face half the time. She said "If you want to grow, it's going to be messy, never graceful. If you do all you can to grow gracefully and flawlessly, you will never change or grow"

Funny how in my ceramics class in high school, the most productive days were the ones that I made an absolute mess of the four tables I was given to work on. But what did people look at when all was said and done- the mess I had made, or the piece of art that was the result?

People Watching.

2008-08-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a photojournalist, so I guess it gives me an excuse to watch people, to see how they are taking what they are given in life and using it.

I like the line from the Cloud Cult song- "You're as big as you're gonna get, but you're still growing."

It's fun to watch people in different stages of life. By this I don't mean age, but rather, states of mind and thought- some that I have been through and others that I haven't and may never experience. It makes me think and learn about my own life. In a way, it's quite nice to sit down and talk with someone who is going through the same things I have, but oftentimes, someone will tell me the way they feel that is completely different than what I have ever gone through. And its nice. It forces me to listen and learn rather than to talk.

That's why i like to people watch- something that comes most easily with family and friends

Take my youngest sister Caroline, for example. She is 13, always making plans, calling people, organizing her schedule and her backpack for school, and hardly ever gets stressed- smiling nearly all of the time. 30 year old business woman meets 10 year old. That's her 13.

And then my Dad, who, when I woke up yesterday morning, was talking to the septic sucking people for over an hour- never looks at outward appearances.

And then there's my friend Jody, who merges both of above qualities- always smiling, organized, on top of things, who is never afraid to reach out to people.

I guess life is just a big group project- there will always be those who you will gain experience from working with, others who are complete slackers, and still others who you will get to teach.

and then sometimes its fun to watch people just to find bad fashion.

speak.

2008-08-20T03:56:00.000-07:00

In a way, this new blog is the continuation of my xanga blog (xanga.com/lady_of_the_reigns)- as I don't plan to use that blog anymore- mainly for the reason that I already have a photoblog with blogger (anappleadayphoto.blogspot.com) and would like to keep all my blogs in one place.

But really, I want to change the way I write here compared to my xanga posts. I want to go deeper, say more, ramble less, speak my mind.

I had a discussion in May with a very good friend and I told him that I very seldom speak my mind. I think at that moment I thought that the meaning of speaking one's mind is to say whatever is in my head at the moment- which is a very dangerous thing much of the time.

It took the good part of this summer to realize what in fact speaking my mind really is- to shut up most of the time and to say what needs to be said.

I guess this blog will be an exploration of that.